Come stai? (KOH-meh STAI) is how are you in Italian when you speak to someone as tu: a friend, a relative, a child. To someone you address as Lei, say Come sta? The relaxed Come va? (how's it going?) fits both. The usual answer is Bene, grazie, e tu?, or e Lei? in formal speech.
- Informal (tu)
- Come stai?
- Formal (Lei)
- Come sta?
- To a group
- Come state?
- Casual, either
- Come va?
- Answer
- Bene, grazie, e tu?
- Level
- A1
Come stai or come sta: which one do you need?
The verb is stare, and its ending tells you who you are talking to. Stai is the tu form, sta is the Lei form, and state is for two or more people.
| Italian | Literally | Register | Use it with |
|---|---|---|---|
| Come stai? | How are you? | Informal (tu) | Friends, family, children |
| Come sta? | How are you? | Formal (Lei) | Strangers, older people, clients, your doctor |
| Come state? | How are you (all)? | Plural (voi) | A group of friends or a family |
| Come va? | How's it going? | Casual, tu or Lei | Colleagues, neighbours, people you meet often |
| Tutto bene? | All good? | Casual, tu or Lei | Checking in, or when someone looks worried |
| Tutto a posto? | Everything OK? | Casual | After a small problem or a strange moment |
| Come ti senti? | How do you feel? | Informal (tu) | Someone who has been ill or upset |
In chapter 2 of a Contos A1 story set in a small guesthouse by the sea, a fisherman arrives with fresh fish and greets Nonna Pina, who runs the place:
Lui dice: "Ciao Pina, come stai?" Lei risponde: "Bene, bene. Cerchi Marco?"How do you answer come stai?
Give a short answer, say thank you, and turn the question round. Leaving out the e tu? can sound as if you are not interested in the other person.
| Italian | English |
|---|---|
| Benissimo! | Really well! |
| Bene, grazie. E tu? | Fine, thanks. And you? |
| Bene, grazie. E Lei? | Fine, thanks. And you? (formal) |
| Abbastanza bene. | Pretty well. |
| Non c'è male. | Not bad. |
| Così così. | So-so. |
| Insomma… | Well… not great. |
| Sono un po' stanco / stanca. | I'm a bit tired. |
| Male. | Badly. |
Insomma, said with a drawn-out tone and a shrug, is a polite way of admitting things are not going well.
Like English "fine", tutto bene can hide a lot. In a Contos A1 mystery set in an apartment block, 78-year-old Giulia meets a neighbour in the courtyard who looks worn out:
Giulia chiede: "Marco, tutto bene?" Marco risponde: "Sì, sì... molto occupato."What does come va mean?
Come va? means "how's it going?" and comes without a tu or Lei ending, which makes it handy when you are unsure. Add a noun to ask about one part of someone's life.
Ciao Sara, come va?
Hi Sara, how's it going?
Come va il lavoro?
How's work going?
Come va con la casa nuova?
How are things with the new house?
Buongiorno, signor Ferri. Come sta oggi?
Good morning, Mr Ferri. How are you today?
Formal: sta, not stai.
For greetings before the question, see how to say hello in Italian.
Read A1 Italian chapters full of everyday conversation, and tap any word for its meaning.
Read free in your browserWhat mistakes do learners make with come stai?
Using essere instead of stare. Italian says sto bene (I'm well), never sono bene, and asks come stai?, not come sei? Come sei? is a real question, but it means "what are you like?", about someone's character or looks.
The other slip is mixing registers. You will hear Ciao, come sta? from Italians who know each other a little, but as a learner it is clearer to keep the pairs together: Ciao, come stai? for tu, Buongiorno, come sta? for Lei.
Frequently asked questions
How do you pronounce come stai?
"KOH-meh STAI", where stai rhymes with English "sty". The e at the end of come is short but clearly sounded. Come sta? is "KOH-meh STAH".
What does come mai mean?
Come mai? means "how come?" or "why?", not how are you. Come mai sei qui? is "How come you're here?". It is a common false friend for learners who know come stai.
Do Italians expect a real answer to come stai?
Between friends, usually yes: a short, honest answer is normal, and a sigh followed by insomma invites a follow-up question. In a quick exchange with an acquaintance, bene, grazie is enough.
How do you ask how a group is?
Say Come state? using the voi form of stare. Ragazzi, come state? means "How are you, guys?" For a formal group, come state? is still the normal choice in modern Italian.